I feel like I’ve been asked this question a lot lately (mostly on dating apps) and I’m really getting sick of it (I’ll explain why). This question is : What are you looking for on here?
And I know you guys are gonna say well it`s a normal question to ask. Maybe BUT the thing is that 95% of the time this question actually means : Are you down to fuck? If you’re in the 5% that ask this question for his genuine meaning, ignore this post. But yeah, don’t be fool, this is a sexual question and nothing else.
I had a guy ask me this question and I replied and he said oh well I’m really not looking for anything serious so I’m pretty closed right now. I was like… okay, a bit straightforward right?!!?! Like how is that supposed to make me want to meet up? Anyways then he said ya I’m telling you this cause I don’t want to disappoint you. I guess if you’re a decent person you’re asking that to not hurt the other person but is it necessary? Maybe if he wouldn’t have said anything we would have met up and would have had a great time anyways?!
Another example, I will include pics but context is at this point we exchanged 5 lines, he lived 2h away from me and he asked the famous question »What are you looking for on here? » and it went like this :
Why would I be down to meet up with anyone that shows me they only want sex and pressuring me from the start? Especially when we don’t know anything about each other and don’t even know if we would get along? Truth is I don’t owe anything to anyone and I should be able to decide to have sex because I WANT to and not because the guy is making me feel bad or like I will disappoint him if I don’t. And have you heard of having fun? having nice conversations? laugh? be sponteneous? Why is everything always about sex? I mean if that’s what you want then okay go for it we’ve all been there and that’s fine but if I’m just having a normal conversation I don’t know why guys think it’s okay to bring everything about sex from the start. I want to feel comfortable and go with the flow.
Also, why would you expect ANYTHING out of a first date? You’ve never met the person. (I’m generally speaking I’m not talking about if you facetime 10x beforehand and stuff like that). We should all calm down, go meet up and take it for what it is. If we’re just meeting up with the first time, WHY do we need to know. It’s not that deep. Even if I say I wanna get married, does it mean I wanna get married with you? No. Will I know my intentions with you before meeting up with you? No. You both don’t owe anything to one another.
In most cases, especially on dating apps, guys aren’t looking for anything serious and that for multiple different reasons. Also, let’s be real, it’s pretty easy to guess someone’s intentions by seeing how the person act so just be logical about it instead of asking. Yes you can be wrong but you know what I mean and whatever happens, at the end of the day, it’s just ONE date. Having expectations and planning in advance just takes the fun away. Everything should be happening naturally and we should let ourselves live the moment. If you wanna read more, read this post The best sex is unexpected! (Storytimes). If it’s just a one night thing then be it, it doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it for what it is, it can still be an amazing time and you won’t regret going. Also, anyone can tell you anything especially at first in text message so why even ask? Useless. They will most likely answer accordingly to getting what they want, not everyone is honest and upfront. If there is one thing that I learned (sometimes the hard way) it’s that the only thing that will show someone’s true intentions is TIME. Time will tell so why bother from the start asking questions to a stranger?
Life is about experiencing and there is nothing wrong with meeting up with people just for fun (sexual or not). You can learn from everyone and having fun won’t kill you even if it doesn’t end up being serious. I guess you could say »ya but I don’t want to be wasting my time ». Yes okay, I agree and me neither but you WILL waste your time weither ou want it or not, that’s the harsh truth. The best way to avoid wasting time is by being aware of red flags, by having standards and acting up to them and by respecting yourself and trusting your gut. If it’s meant to be it will be so no need to complicate everything from the start, love can’t be controlled.
I think you get the point by now! Stop asking and start observing. Thank you for reading!
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